Merry Christmas

Wow where do I start? It was one crazy christmas cause my babies have been sick. Friday we finally finally got the painting done and the boxes cleared!! yeah! WE still need some painting in the dining room but thats nothing!! The hardest part is done.

Friday, we cleared some boxes and threw out a bunch of stuff mostly because I don't know where to put the stuff. Naty moved the t.v. so that we can see it better without the Christmas tree in the way. I also baked some cookies for xmas eve and got a lot of things ready.

On Christmas Eve morning, I had to clean the rest of the house and make breakfast. We ate really fast cause the time was just zooming by and everyone would be here soon. I made carnitas (tacos), ham, tamales (bought those), beans and lots of goodies. I got pretty tipsy but not drunk like I wanted! Audrey got a fever and started feeling sick so I had to calm it a little. My little babies cheeks were so red.

On Christmas Day we left the mess from the day before and went to my granny's for dinner and the Christmas exchange. I got spongebob slippers, sleep pants and a nightshirt! I loved it!! I tried drinking again but only got a little buzzed! I think I'm getting used to the alcohol now. I wanted to feel good and tipsy but it wasn't working. We chilled with the family and came home. I had fun but Audrey was was so sick so it was time to go.

My house still isn't perfect cause of me being sick. I kind of lost my voice and my throat hurts from coughing so much. I hate being sick. I thought I had 2 weeks off of school but it was only one!! I go back next Tues. which sucks!!!!!!!!! I'm thinking of taking the winter off just because I need a break. I know I can finish faster but I'm sooooooo tired of school right now. I'm in school burn-out mode, so far I've got one of my grades back for Philosophy (B!!) that class was soooooooooo awful!! I hated it and I still don't understand WTF Philosophy is!! It's so confusing and too advanced for me, BUT, I MADE IT! Now to wait for my Spanish and Speech grade.

Today all I've been doing is loafing around and watching surreal life on VH1, I never seen this show and they were showing like a marathon of it. It's so hilarious! I feel in love with Peter Brady! LMAO! He's so sexy and old too. VH1 has some good reality shows! I think I'm hooked!

Well tomarrow its all about picking up my gut and getting to work. I hope I get better and am able to do some more tomarrow. OH well gotta go to bed its so late. Goodnight

Happy Birthday Audrey

Yesterday was my angel's birthday. We took the kids to a new pizza place called John's, its soooooo cool! When any of you come down we need to hit that place up again. It's a italian buffet with different rooms and different themes and you can pick any dining room that you want to go eat in and it has a big acarde and glow in the dark golf. We had a lot of fun. I can't believe my baby is 2 already, its soooooo sad. I miss her being a little peanut and her chubby little self. She's so big now. Where did the time go?

This time last year I was suffering in a hospital room, crying my eyes out to get out. I was in so much pain and wanted out! I remember getting released the night of the 22nd, I didn't want to stay and begged for them to let me go. I had a fever and felt so dizzy but had to come home cause my Bubbs was waiting for us with his grandparents. I remember having a hard night with my little pumpkin cause I was in pain and it was hard to get out of bed and of course Naty slept while I was hard at work (like always). So now here we are, 2 years later.
(She got into Naty's hair gel!)

Finals

Today was my first final and I think I did ok, it was like a 5 minute test that was really easy but of course I didn't even study. My Bubbs and Naty are really sick right now so I'm playing doctor. I feel like I'm coming down with something too but my head is hurting more than before. I have really bad headaches that don't go away even after medicine sometimes. I love the cold weather but hate when we get sick, it sucks.

I just wanted to show this funny picture of Audrey vacuming. I can't believe she'll be 2 tomarrow!

My Brat

I just had to post this picture of Audrey, I was here online thinking that she's asleep and find out that she took down all the books and they're all over the desk and the floor! She's such a little brat but I love her! She smells like pickles right now. pewwwww

Today was the last day of offical school and next week are finals. I'm thinking of not going during Winter and using that time to relax. I swear I'm gonna have a break down sooner or later. It's so much stress and work and with the kids and Naty I feel like I'm pushing them aside while I "better" myself. I don't feel guilty cause its all for them but I feel like I can do better and more if I wasn't so caught up in school. I need some time after two years of going no stop, full time, it has taken a toll on me. I have migranes up the ass and many other problems that I don't want to bore you with. But going back and forth to Kaiser has been my life story for the past 2 years.

Tomarrow I have nooooooooo school so its all about me sleeping all morning and getting things ready for christmas, last minute shopping and cleaning. Good thing I got most of the laundry out of the way. I'm washing it tonight and hanging it out so that i can be out all morning and It'll dry faster. We still have the dryer in the garage. Naty's here now so I gotta go. Bye

Did I ever say school sucked?

Well it does! I can't escape it! UUHHHHH! Next week is finals and I'm dreading them and hating school so much at the moment. My spanish class is just getting harder and harder, I just got speech class out of the way and did my final speech yesterday and got a87%, the philosophy is getting harder too with even more homework, I'm going crazy!!! I can't focus on school work either. I've been trying and trying and I can't study, I have too many things running around in my peanut. I even broke out in a rash.

We went to dinner Sunday evening for my mother in laws birthday and on the way home I started getting real hot and felt like pins were poking at my hands. Naty was driving and I told him that I felt hot and my hands and arms are burning and hurting. He's like, "oh yeah", whatever (same shit), then I started feeling dizzy and worse. Well I sucked it up and when we got home I couldn't take it and my hands started burning really bad and Naty turned the light on and my hand was red and had little bumps on it. It started itching like crazy too, so I put some Rx cream that was naty's on my hand and it started oozing, (sick I know) so now I have a hard piece of skin there with bumps---gross. Of course brought on by stress, good thing I didn't put it on my arms cause it would have done the same to my arms. GROSS.....

Well its Tuesday again, my lonely day... Naty doesn't get home till 9 :( I can't believe that I miss him this much! I see his mug everyday! LOL!

I found this new love for Martha Stewart. www.marthastewart.com I can't believe she's this interesting. I'm hoping to have a Martha Stewart Christmas! I'm gonna following some of her recipes for christmas and try to be fabulous! (really, u think I'm kidding-1st I need to learn how to spell the word) I guess this xmas everyones going over my grandma's so everyones invited to my house for xmas eve. We're getting wasted!! Thats all I've gotta say. I'm gonna bust the vodka, tequila and rum out. So come one come all....

Naty asked me yesterday if I want to go to vegas again and I said yes without thinking. Now I'm scared of going because of the drive and how dangerous it is. Ever since that truck tire came at us on the road in March I'm scared of driving far. That would be 3 times this year that we go to Vegas if we go. He wants to stay maybe the weekend cause one of his baby friends is turning 21 and he wanted us to go with him. I wish we could fly instead of drive. We'll see. But I need another vacation badly! After next thursday its all over! I'm gonna sleep all day and wake up late every morning. I deserve it. I'm already tired of waking up so early, I look like a zombie.

Speaking of looking like shit, my face started breaking out really bad. I decided to go and buy Proactiv after Vanessa said it works really good. Well I've used it twice since buying it and I like it already. My skin doesn't look as oily or dry. I've gotta stop picking at my face though, everytime a new one pops up I start picking at it. So if any of you are thinking of trying it I'll be your test dummy and you can ask me later how its working cause its expensive.

Anyway, c you later

Where did the time go?

My babies are so big.....I keep watching these damn baby shows and it makes me want more! I always say I want more but not the work...tell me how thats possible, only if I was rich! I still don't think in that case I'd want a stranger raising my baby. As it is, when my babies were born and my MIL or my mom would try to help me with them I would feel guilty for not being the one to change their diaper or make them a bottle. I remember the first night I brought Bubbs home from the hospital I was still living with my mom. I just had the c-section and had to sleep in the living room cause my bed was too high to get on without hurting so bad, so me and my mom camped out in the living room. I remember I was high on pain medicine that didn't even work that great but had me in space...and my mom woke up and got Bubbs and started to feed him, I was so upset that I had my mom doing all the work while I did nothing but stare, I remember telling her to give him to me and that I'd feed him and she was like, no I'll do it, go to sleep its ok, you're in a lot of pain. I felt so guilty that I was young, got knocked up and she was doing what I was supposed to do. It wasn't fair. I was sooooooo emotionally drained, sooooooooo much in physical pain and my Naty wasn't there :( That must have been the sadest time of my life when it should have been the happiest. I was happy to have a baby but sad cause I wasn't complete, I didn't have Naty. I never knew a human could possibly hurt so much. I thought my life was over. I remember my mom trying to give me sleeping pills just so that I could sleep, what person could not sleep just having a newborn and taking vicodin, don't know but it wasn't me......I couldn't function, couldn't go outside, couldn't talk, couldn't take a shower, couldn't breathe at times...(sometimes didn't want to) I had such a beautiful baby staring me straight in my eyes waiting for my attention and love and I just couldn't. I was failing horribly as a mother and as a human being. I'd take care of Bubbs like, bathe, change, feed but it didn't feel real, didn't feel like he was really there. I thought I was dreaming at times and that Naty would walk in any second and say, "Hi Babe, I miss you" and come and kiss his son. NOPE didn't happen, actually at this point, I still don't think he had offically met his son. Offically meaning, cuddling, kissing, counting toes, saying who he looks like........none of the above. And to tell you all the truth I don't remember much of Bubbs as a baby. As sad as that sounds but now could I? How could I recall the good moments when all the bad ones shoot in my head just like thunder? This same exact rememberance comes to mind everytime I say I want another baby. The same exact thing you're reading comes to my mind. Why???????? Do I need therapy? I'm thinking I just need to be more open and honest about it and let it out. Just by typing this it feels good to release some anxieties I have bunched up inside. When we were talking about the second baby, I told Naty I always wanted the picture perfect birth you see on t.v....you know the butterflies in your stomach the day before the delivery, Your husband by your side not only thru the birth but thru everything...something Naty wasn't with our first. Your partner to talk with...about how tiny your baby's hands are or how she looks like a certain family member, you know the mushy stuff. The mushy stuff I was robbed of with Bubbs birth. The mushy stuff I deserved to experience. When we talked it all out and decided to try for our second I was thrilled!! We had such a good delivery, I felt the love and said to myself, "So this is what it should really be like!" It was picture perfect...Naty was the best and I truly believe he did it on purpose to make up for the time that it wasn't. He was awesome but theres no escaping the first time, its something I have to live with for the rest of my life and hopefully the thought and memory will disappear on its own cause 5 years later and I can't recall some specifics so thats really good.

Soooooooo what to do, what to do? Like I said, I was thrilled when Naty said he wanted more but I'm not sure if he was now saying it to be nice, KWIM?? (know what I mean) I want more but not sure if right now is smart. I'll have a big break during Jan 2007-Aug 2007 waiting for medical school to start, so I know I can squeeze a baby in during that time, don't think before or after those dates would be smart at all. So if you hear that I'm pregnant don't be suprised, cause before I even got with Naty or had my first kid I'd always say I wanted 4 kids, don't know why but I would always say that. After Bubbs, I didn't want anymore! But after we got married, I felt closer and more connected to Naty and wanted to show our love by having another baby and had Audrey (so lucky to have her) and now that we're in a different stage in our lives I feel like we need another baby. It's so weird and don't ask me why, I just feel this way. I need remember that I'm in charge of my own life and no one else is! There's lots of people that would be against me for having another but why? why would you think I was nuts to add love to my family? I'm not one to care about what others think of me but this is a sensitive subject. I get real touchy on this one.
Do I have a home for my baby? YES
Can I financially provide for my baby? YES
Do I have a partner that would be a loving dad to my baby? YES
Would I love this baby and take care of it? YES
So whats the problem? There isn't one! Me and Naty are working our asses off to make our future happen. We started from nothing.....nothing at all.....I remember him working and saving all his pennies cause I wanted a house. He gave me my house. I remember him working harder cause I wanted a car. He bought me a new car. I remember working cause Naty wasn't making as much money then as he is now so I can take care of the utilities. I worked and never had our phone, light or gas off. When Naty was making more money I cried to him and told him I always wanted more for myself out of life and didn't want to fit the stereotype hispanic girl that is the housewife and has a shit load of kids. No not me. So what did he do? He made me go to school, yes made me and still makes me now that I think about it? LOL!! He'd rather I better myself then he better himself. So when I'm done with school I'm going to support the family while Naty takes care of himself and his education. Yes he's an electrican and makes good money BUT its not always about the money if you're not happy. I know he loves his job but he wants to have a higher education and graduate from college just like me. He deserves to be able to do that so when I'm done I'm gonna make him go to school!!! He wants to be a counselor of some sort and support these young kids that get into drugs like he did. He wants to give back in a way and knows he's really lucky to be here and be in the position that he's in today and give these young kids a reason to live and to be good people. You know share his success story. As it is when he finishes his apprenticeship (1 more year-5 years total!) all he'll need is about 5 more classes to get his associates degree so I know he'll shoot for that, for sure!

Audrey's right here laying on the floor watching "tootoons" (cartoons) she's too funny and crazy at the same time, this little girl has a mind of her own! speaking of crazy, yesterday I was in my room folding clothes and all I hear is Bubbs yelling about Audrey having caca, well to my great surprise she dug in it with her nails and decided to paint our living room walls with it! NO SHE DIDN'T IT! I wanted to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time! It smelled soooooooo gross....to top it off. I threw her in the tub and she was just smiling and I was fuming. Now its funny but when I was gagging and cleaning it, it wasn't funny at all. I better get to bed now. Naty has school tomarrow morning (CPR) and has a side job to do too. He gave me $50 to make me happy and so I wouldn't bitch I guess. I just miss him and want him to stay home but he needs to help his friend that helped him out of a crisis one time. So I guess no cooking tomarrow!! I'll make him take me out with the money he makes ;)

Who wants to slap me first?

NO I DIDN'T PAINT OR DO CRAP TO MY HOUSE! I was so ready to get down and dirty in this place and what happens...I got down and lazy. I guess I'll just stop talking about it and I'll finally get something done. So leave me alone now! LOL! First I wanted your support, now I don't want it ;)

BTW, AF came in full rage and I'm PMSing really bad! I'm about to take some Vicodin just to knock out and stop being so bitchy. UHH then I have sociology tomarrow and I hate facing my teachers after I miss school cause they look at you like, "I ain't stupid bitch, I know you were absent" and don't really act the same for the beginning of the class, you know like they're pist off at you.

This year we're doing the christmas exchange at Granny's house cause I was going to have all you buttholes here at my house then I called my Granny and she's like, "I'm having christmas dinner here cause its Nellie's b-day," whatever! I'll have food here at my house on christmas eve if you pigs want to come down. Everyones invited, so don't say I didn't invite you. Damn don't I sound bitchy! I am! I need to do my Spanish homework so just wanted to pop in and invite you guys to my house on xmas eve. Take care, I'll leave you guys with some precious pics of my babies 2 years ago. :)
marlene

It's December :)

I love the cold weather, especially the rain and thunder. Yesterday was a weird day, I woke up to the sound of a jackhammer, jackhammering my sidewalk at 6:30 am! WTF?? I almost shitted my pants and jumped out of my bed, Audrey came screaming and running to my bed. So I ended up waking up early on my resting Friday! So mad!!! So when Naty came home I was beat already, from cleaning, and Audrey and cooking, everything...I chilled with him for a bit and hit the sack at 6pm, I didn't wake up till around 11pm and it was raining......I MISSED THE RAIN! Can u believe that?? Thats all I wait for all year and I missed it, I had to go outside and smell it. It smelled so good. aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! weirdo...

So now today, Naty took off to give his friend a ride to his mechanic, that leaves me and Audrey by ourselves. It's all about finishing this damn house! I'm so tired of watching TLC home improvement shows and my house still looking like shit! I promise today I'm gonna paint and finish, take my word for it, My next post will be about me singing with the birds and being soooo happy that my house is done! I promise! From the calls that I've gotten already from most of you, I know I'll be getting some to push my big rear into gear. Thanks! I need that right now. Support.

Steph is coming and spending the night tonight cause my mom and Carlos are going to his christmas dinner and they needed me to babysit, well while she's here she can babysit for us :) Of course while we paint and get shit situated, my room looks the worse cause everytime I wash clothes I leave them out drying all day then at night time we run for them before the sprinklers come on and throw them on our bed and before you know it its time to go to bed so what happens to the clothes, they get thrown on the floor! yes on the floor! so I have a moutain to conquer and more clothes to put away that we took on vacation with us. Will it ever be normal again?? I hope so.

I need to eat my breakfast now since I'm so skinny and will fall over if I don't eat this second. See you all later! Bye

Waiting for my man!

I hate Tuesdays and Thursdays, these days drag and I'm alone all day with the kids and wait for Naty to show up on our doorstep. He goes to school on these nights so I don't see him till about 8:30-9pm, theres days that the kids are good and most days that they're not. Today was one of those not too good days. First of all, I didn't go to school today so that meant Bubbs didn't go either. Naty woke us up late and I usually leave at 5:30 and he woke me up at 5:45! I hate rushing and I hate the feeling after of rushing cause my heart is pumping and I'm speeding thru traffic putting me and my kids lives in danger and its not cool! And plus today I felt so tired, so tired from all the running around after coming back from Vegas and our vacation wasn't all that relaxing it was a lot of work with the kids all day and rushing here and there to make times. So I guess the vacation did wear us all out. It's hard to get back in the swing of things and I don't know why but I felt much more at home in Vegas, the little condo was so cozy and it felt like we were starting a new life somewhere far. It felt good actually to be far from here. Maybe one day we'll pack it all up and move across the country. Life is too short to stay in one place. You all would think I was pathetic knowing that cry when I don't see Naty after a certain number of hours, I think it has to do a lot with what we went thru in the pass. When he was sick I would go all night without seeing him and I would cry and cry until I seen him. I hate remembering bad times but hey, how can I escape them? See on these days I get depressed and lonely, I think about all the bad instead of the good. I hate this about me, I wish I can be independent and be able to do things without Naty, BUT I CAN'T. I can't just be without him, alot of you are probably thinking, "What a dumb, whipped girl!" I don't care, cause thats what I am! Loud and Clear, I'm in love with my husband and I want the world to know! And no I'm not drunk (come on its a Tuesday!) We have so much fun together, we laugh together, we fight together and laugh about it later, we cap on each other, we call each other names and kid with each other, I can tell him anything and I can always count on him. And right now I feel awful without him here, even when we were staying in the in laws duplex his mom would trip out on me and not understand why I would get so depressed on the days he was at school. I would cry to her and laugh at the same time and tell her I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and she would laugh and always tell me, don't be sad, he'll be home soon and I'm not alone, I'm with family that loves me and she would cry too. I guess she understands it more than I do cause at times like now, I can't pin point why I get like this. At one time I was out of control and would cry for anything, I would just cry and Naty wouldn't know what to do, I finally got me some happy pills called Prozac and all they did was make me tired as hell and make me lose my sex drive! Yes, I lost my sex drive (had to believe ;) and of course Naty didn't like that so he would tell me to do it the right way and not depend on pills, I took his advice and went cold turkey off them and went a little crazy for a while, it was awful. I hid it a lot from Naty, I would mostly stay up and cry myself to sleep. At times it would be in the day but mostly at night (thank God!) Naty would have probably left me if he knew how many times I was crying at night, and for no fucking reason! No reason at all!!! Thats the messed up shit about it! I hate when he would ask me, "Why are you crying, there has to be a reason?" and there never was! I was so pathetic, I hated myself at that time, i thought I was losing my mind. Finally I got some relief and stopped the madness, it's been the best now, I don't get those feelings as often, but I do still get them. Especially on Tues and Thurs and when the kids push me over my edge. But before it was every freakin' day and night, now I can say 1/3 of that now.

Now the butthole is home and he's getting on my nerves!! Hahahaha (gotta love him) "Can't live with them, can't live without them"

Our house still looks like we've only been here for a month (when its been 3) I got rid of 3 boxes yesterday, still have more to go. On sunday when the family came my mom helped clean and did a good job, I've kept it up since and at least its clean but still not how I want it! We've gotta get to the damn hallway, I hate taping and doing the ends, I hate it!! I wish I can just grab the stuff and get to work, but I can't, I have these kids to take care of and the hubby, then I have the house chores, then school, then homework..... I wish when people say, " You're still not situated yet?" They can put into consideration, the above! Come on people, don't ask me again or I'll slap you silly!

Audrey is saying more and more each day, she's talking in sentences and being a bigger brat and defending herself from the beast Bubbs. Bubbs is doing good in school and loves it, his grandma walks him every morning while I'm at school and then I pick him up and he hates telling me anything about school. I think its because of the time I almost made a scene with some little asain boy that pulled the string out of his hooded sweater! Naty had just bought him a GAP sweater for his b-day and this little brat of a kid comes up to him and pulls it out, I got so mad at Bubbs for not socking or pushing this kid! He can sure be a brat at home but doesn't use it when he needs it, well I started telling Bubbs a few things and he got so upset and said, "I wever tellin you noting" (I'm never telling you nothing) then I talked with him and told him sorry but he has to defend himself and never let anyone touch him, but now that I ask him how was school or what did he do, he gets so mad and yells that he doesn't want to tell me. What did I do and how do I get him out of this?

Naty put up the Christmas lights last night and they look so cool! The kids were excited and (so was I) I love christmas, I've gotta hit up Kmart tomarrow and buy something really nice for my Chimeny. I never put anything nice on it when I should! It's big and nice. I'm gonna spend some good money too, shhh don't tell Naty.

Anyway, my peeps, gotta get to the market and gets some milk for Audrey. Naty wants me to go with him so I'll talk to you all later.

I'm back :)

Safe and sound....
My biggest fear about traveling is getting into a car accident or something really bad happening to your home while you were away. Well Thankfully none of the above happened. I'm happy to report the worse thing to happen was us hitting a big tumbleweed on the way home. hahahahahaha

We had so much fun and did so much I don't know where to start, I'll break it down day by day.

Saturday, November 19th

• we left around 11:45 am and got there around 3:40 pm, we checked into the resort and got settled in about an hour.
• We left to eat at the San Remo Hotel cause we heard they had a good prime rib special for 5.99 well it was good but not sure if it was prime rib.?????
• Then we hit the strip and went to M&M world, seen a 3D M&M movie called "I lost my M in Las Vegas" it was cute for the kids. That store is huge and we bought things for Bubbs teacher and his grandma.
• After that we went to see the Lion Habitat at the MGM and they were asleep.
• We went back to the room and watched movies and went to sleep.

Sunday, November 20th

• We went shopping at the Outlet Shopping Center and bought a bunch of things. They had some good deals but I thought it would be a little cheaper. Oh yeah I got some Velour J-Lo pants for $10 bucks and made them fit! LOL!
• Went to circus circus and won a hundred bucks (but lost them later in the week)

Monday, November 21st

• went to a time share presentation to get free shark reef tickets.
• Went to the shark reef at Mandalay Bay
• Went to a magic show at Tropicana

Tuesday, November 22nd

• Stood in the hotel alllllllllll day mostly while Naty took the kids swimming in the nice heated pool.
• Did crafts at the activities center.
• Jose and Monica came to visit and we ate dinner

Wednesday, November 23rd

• Went to Hoover Dam with Jose, Monica, Naty and kids. We took a picture at the Nevada/Arizona border. (like the movie "Fools Rush in")
• Went to eat at some nice Bar and Grill across the street from the resort.
• Jose and Monica left and My mom, Steph and Carlos got there.
• We went to the Fremont Experience (downtown Vegas) when my mom and them came. They had a laser show in the sky and I had to have a Strawberry Daquiri

Thursday, November 24th

• Made Thanksgiving Dinner in the condo (turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, rolls and salad).
• Hit the strip to walk off the dinner, we walked the whole strip and it got late fast so we had to take the tram back to the MGM and it overlooked the strip, we were glad to be back to our car!

Friday, November 25th

• We loafted around the resort and BBQ'd and went swimming.
• Then at night time, Steph took care of the kids and we went to Downtown Vegas and drank and gambled. I drank 1 (20 oz.) Margarita, 4 tequila sunrises, 1 Kahlula Creme, 2 Smirnoff's and a shot. I was feeling good. :) I felt gross in the middle of night when I woke up and couldn't walk straight. My mom woke up and barfed her guts out~!!! Hahahahaha (don't tell her I told you!!)

Saturday, November 26th

• It was time to clean and go home :( We cleaned up the condo and left Vegas, it was so sad. The week went by so fast.

I'm gonna make sure to take a vacation every year. It was so fun and I can't wait to go next year. Hopefully we can use our mini vacation and go to Puerto Vallarta. The kids were cry babies in the beginning cause I guess they missed their house, but they got used to it after they went swimming in the spa tub! hahahahaha (we gotta get us one of those)

School is almost over! I have about 3 more weeks, I can't wait!! I feel like I've been in school forever and I can't escape. I know I can't quit now, I've come too far!

Sunday the family came over and we had a BBQ. It was really relaxing and it felt good to be home. I can't believe how much I forgot about my house and how I function in it, it was only a week and I feel like I've been gone a long time. I need to do this more often ;)

Marlene

Cha Ching!

I got my financial aid money!! woooo wooo! I'm so happy cause now I can have a nicer vacation! I can buy what I want when I want without asking Naty for cash! I can't wait till I'm done with school and rolling in dough and just splurge when I want! Can't wait.

Today was the usual, wake up early, go to school and wait for Bubbs. But today Bubbs decided that he wanted to spend the night and get his grandma involved..She started begging me to let him spend the night and I told her if I would have known I would have left a long time ago and could have got things done at home before we leave! But I had to leave him so that he wouldn't cry and he wouldn't hate me... So then I took my grandma home and didn't get home till a half hour ago and Audrey's sleeping so I thought I'd get on and post.

Yesturday I took 2 cold tablets and i felt so drunk and weird. I layed down but the kids didn't let me rest, so I was walking sideways and slurring. I couldn't stay up so I tried to make Audrey stay on the bed with me but at one time I woke up and she wasn't on the bed with me, Bubbs was being a good big bro and was watching t.v. with her in the living room. I went to see the clock and noticed Naty would be home shortly so I plopped my big ass right on the bed face first and didn't wake up till 7:30, Naty was watching them that whole time and I still didn't study so I had to dust off the books and get to work. UUHHHHH! I so need this vacation and I can't wait to take a jello shot my homie Vanessa told me about. Since we're gonna have the kids with us we've gotta wait till my mom comes in on next Wed. and see if she'll watch them one of those days so I can take off and get wasted at some club with Naty.

This March we went for my birthday and we went to some club called Rum Jungle and let me tell you! There were girls hanging from the ceiling literally. Girls in cages dancing everywhere, it was awesome! I just wish I had a body like theirs. We were so wasted that we walked all the way back to our hotel at the Excalibur and laughed all the way there cause we thought it would be closer. Good lord my thunder thighs were so sore! I have to make sure to make another trip to Margaritaville, yummm those margaritas are the bomb!! I had a bahama mama too but it was pure alcohol and tasted gross.

So anyway, my peeps, I've gotta get to cleaning the casa and clearing another box, my goal is 4 boxes from now till Sat. I also need to paint the hallway still and I'm done.
Peace
Marlene

Enter if you Dare!

Hey you Guys,
I thought this would be a good way of sharing, venting and just mainly letting you all know whats going on in the Soto Household and my crazy life! My sociology teacher recommended this for me so that it can help me take out my fustrations and joys on a computer! I've been wanting to get a hold of a lot of you and hardley have time to call everyone and say hi let alone give them the full update on us. When I get on here to BLOG its gonna be "me time" time that I can relax and just let go of the day. Mostly when the kids are napping, playing, at school or late at night when everyone's asleep. A lot goes on everyday in my crazy life of being a wife, mother and full time student.......talk about stress........Thank you all that are checking up on us and please leave comments so that I know you're here :) Here I go...........

Let me just tell you all that I'm sick like a dog, strep throat, ears hurting and all. So today Bubbs didn't have school and Steph spent the night and I had school so I had to drive to El Monte to drop the kids off and then go to school for about 2 hours which wasn't even worth it and to top it off my teachers just bullshitted about some shit that I didn't pay attention to and I felt horrible. I couldn't miss school cause I'm missing next week for VEGAS!! We're leaving this saturday and coming back next saturday, I need this vacation bad!!! I'm so stressed out with school and I just had all my midterms. SUCKS!! I hate school at times but I know it will all be worth it at the end.....I keep telling myself that to get thru all the drama.

My house is coming along and looking better, we just had so much to do, especially since we're painting every freakin room a different color! But it was all my idea and I'm now regretting it. I thought it would be easy to just slap on the paint and finish this whole house on a weekend, YEAH RIGHT, its been almost 3 months that we've been here and we haven't finished painting this bitch! uuuuhhhhhhh so fustrating and we still have shit in boxes that are for the walls that i can't put up till we're done! and why can't I just finish, cause I get home around 330 everyday, then I have to clean the mess we already have, wash clothes, make dinner, tend to the kids (a job of its own), then help Bubbs with his homework, do my homework and then the day is gone. I'm constantly on this damn computer trying to do homework and it makes me tired so then I get really tired and don't feel like doing shit! Thats been my story for the past 2 1/2 months. And the days that Naty goes to school are hell for me! ON Tues and Thurs nights he has school and doesn't come home till 830-9pm! I'm already hitting the sack at that time and burnt out! Then the weekend comes and we've got parties, people over, dinners, etc...... and shit gets done! so fustrating!!

And to top it off Naty almost made me faint and shit in my paints at the same time 2 days ago. The kids were on the floor coloring in their coloring books and we're just chillin' on the couch cause we had someone over (forgot who?) and he tells me..........that he wants more kids!! I couldn't believe it, for most of you that don't know Naty wanted to cut off his own dick so that I wouldn't get pregnant. He was soooooooo set on no more and would just make dumb ass comments about it. You know when people ask, "So do you guys want anymore?" and his response was always, "HELL NO" I would want to slap him when he said that shit cause I'm the one who takes care of them! Anyway, so I thought Naty was deadset on no more and he would kill me if I got prego. So he wants to talk about it more but its not for sure. I don't know if I can handle 3 kids. I love my babies and do really good with them now but to add another one sounds like I'd go nuts. Who knows? Whatever God has in store for me I guess I'll go with the flow. I know I'm in school but there will be a big pause from finishing at East L.A. college till I go to Medical school and thats when we think if I were to get pregnant that I should have the baby. that means I'll be prego at East L.A. College for a little while and thats ghetto!!! I don't want to be a pregnant student! I see them all the time and I feel embarressed for them! I know its sad but its my honest truth! Theres hardly no pregnant girls and when you see one its kind of weird. I know we're all adults but it looks just weird to me. Sooooooooooo I'm taking everything into consideration, (everything! LOL!!!) Not only that I might have to give up my beautiful computer room, or I'll only be able to have 1 other passenger in my car cause my 3 kids will take up all the room in the back and if I have Naty in the front then no one can go with us anywhere!! LMAO!!!!!! I know I'm an idiot but I think of everything and of course hoping that its healthy and nothing horrible happens to it......(thats automatic) but everything from small to big.

At the moment I'm trying to lose this fatass of mine! Right before we moved from El Monte I was a whopping 211!! can u believe that shit! a pound away from my heaviest. I guess I got really depressed being there with the in laws and kicking the tenants out that I just ate and ate some more. Well during the month that we moved back I lost weight and I'm now back to 195 which is cool on my part. I'm happy cause I'm not 200 anymore! If I do decide to get prego I want to lose at least 20-30 lbs. I'll keep losing till I eventually get pregnant.

Well most of you were at my babies party and I thank you all so much for coming! I had so much fun!!! I was sooooooooo tore up!! I danced the whole night, the next day I couldn't talk or walk! Ruben called me the next day to talk shit and make fun of me cause I wouldn't stop dancing and I did the worm at one night and almost made everyone shit their pants! Me, Elsie and Laura were tore up just dancing and competing with the girls. Of course we won cause they can't top BIG GIRL!! shooooooooottttttt! But the Keg was almost empty (thanks Laura and Elsie, LOL!) And the kids got much love from everyone. Thanks soooo much!!!

And now I hear the brats! LOL! I've gotta go tend to my babies, I'll see you all later.

Marlene

Starting the party, you can see Uncle Mike and Sal

the cool jumper we got and Naty's dad.

my Lil Aud posing with her beer belly. I didn't get none of my son he disappeared that night-what a bad mom!
Below: My sexy cousin Lessie and her Cool ass Hubby Sal.

Ok obviously the date is wrong on this pic! (my camera sucks) Me and my wonderful hubby Naty!