Not a baby anymore :(

My lil Bubbs isn't a baby anymore. I soooooo wanted to cry today when he got his certificate, cry because I'm proud and mostly because he's not a baby anymore. I've always said a child is still a baby till they complete kindergarten and my lil man completed kindergarten today! wahhhhhhhhh :( I want him to stay small forever. Why do they have to grow up so fast? Why can't it be half the time? I just can't handle anything else right now! I'm so sentimental when it comes to my babies growing up. It's just so hard to believe.

And not only is my baby growing up but my lil sister Steph is too. WHY? Why can't she stay small forever? Why does she have to mature into a woman? Why can't she stay innocent a while longer.......wahhhhhh this is killing me! She had her jr. high promotion today and is going to High school next year....sigh...and so is Elaine.....I don't picture them in high school they're babies still......what is this world coming to?

Ok, since we're going down the line....theres also Melissa.....Melissa Melissa my lil cuz that when I first met told me, "Fuck you Bitch" Yup just plain and simple. She was about 4 when her and my aunt Laura came into our lives. I will never forget that. She was my best buddy growing up since I didn't have any siblings at the time. So I'd drag her around with me everywhere, to the park and to my friends house across the street. Of cousre she'd act up and I'd have to pimp slap her here and there but overall she was my chubby lil cuz. It just feels like yesterday when we'd jump the fence to go play at the playground in the back of our house. This lil girl had nooooooooo fear! She'd jump fences, cuss people out and pimp slap you for a cookie! And she's now all grown up......another loooooooooooong sigh................... and graduating high school.

Then we must not forget Jesse, he was a 5th grade snot nose kid when I met him. Little chubby guy that loved to follow his big brother to my house. He always wanted to go with us cause he knew we'd most likey be going out to eat! LOL! He still feels like a lil boy to me and not a man yet! He's too young to be thrown out into the big real world! NOT JESSE! Hold on!! He can't be finishing high school already....wait......he did.......and that was today... :(

It's really exciting to see these 5 grow but yet depressing cause they'll all be adults soon with their own families and lives. Sheesh....I just feel like crying right now. I can't believe this is happening, its just too quick.

What's that saying?? Time goes by fast when you're having fun! So I'm obviously having too much fun and loving life. period.

So just wanted to tell you 5 that I'm very proud of your accomplishments and I love you guys so much! I'd do anything for you guys and I pray that you all continue through this path that your going down and seek God in your times of need and always know that you can come to me and Naty for anything. Life is going to suck sometimes but you've gotta keep strong and stay in control. You 5 are very special to me and are gifted people that will succeed in life and make a difference to this crazy world. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, the ones who do aren't your friends and don't have a place in your lives. Keep doing your best always and you'll have a fulfilled life. Love you all!!!!!
Marlene

Why Me?

Of course we always say that when something bad happens but this time I really mean it! Why do I have to suffer so much? Did I do something wrong? Do I owe somebody something? Was I a murderer in my past life? Seriously! What the hell did I do to deserve this pain and this awful health scare? On June 1st I was admitted into the hospital because of severe pain in my abdomen and a temp of 104, not only did I start my rag and have strep throat, no that wasn't enough! I also had a f-en migraine and an infection on my uterus, oh wait! can't forget the cysts on my ovaries too! Well after seeing another doctor yesterday, he told me that I could possibly have a tumor and worse case scenario it can be cancerous. He says I'm too young to have cancer but its a possibility-it seems nowadays cancer doesn't have an age preference, everyone is getting it! He also told me he had finished diagnosing 2 other young girls with uterine and cervical cancer. Since finding this out yesterday (well its almost 1am so 2 days ago now!) I've been going back and forth on my emotions, I'm more positive than negative but I can't stop playing out scenes of my babies in my head. The doc hasn't given me a final dx cause he's gotta do lots of tests but according to him feeling my uterus (I know-sick!) my uterus is shifted to the right and has a big hard mass on it. If its a tumor I can live with that but cancer (malignant)....not sure how I will react. Most likely he said if it is cancer I'll have a hysterectomy and that will completely cure it (God willing). I'm trusting this new doctor since he's reviewed my chart and spent a lot of time on it, he just wants me to give him time and patience and he promises to get to the end of this! I know he will, I trust him and God of course. I know I'm blessed to have my 2 babies already so a hysterectomy won't be a problem especially if it will save my life!
Also, Bubbs is graduating from Kindergarten tomarrow! It's a big day for him, his teacher is having a luau theme for them and she'll be giving out their "diplomas" My lil man will finally be home with me! Since moving he's spent a lot of nights over at his grandma's, I miss my chubby bubbie so much. But after tomarrow I'll want to get rid of him again! (PULLING MY HAIR OUT) When these two get together, sheesh, its war time. This past Saturday me and the kids spent the whole day outside. Once the sun got hot, we got the hose and had war out there. Audrey was being a lil cry baby in the beginning but soon after she was wrestling us for the hose, we didn't get back in till Naty got home from work (he worked overtime) We had so much fun and I look forward to more days like that once my baby comes home.
As for father's day we went to my grandma's for a BBQ. We went swimming and played a lil volleyball in the pool. We felt good swimming, actually think I lost some weight after that day!
It's almost 1am and I still can't fall asleep, I guess I have way too much on my mind. I have to wake up early and I know its going to be a long day. Bubbs, Steph and Jesse are graduating tomarrow. I know Elaine is too but I'm not going to that one, oh and Monica and Jose are down visiting so I know we'll probably end up going to dinner with them. Anyway, better TRY to get to bed.
marlene

2 months have gone.....

and Summer is almost here :( I hate the heat so much! I get migraines and really bitchy during the summer.....blah! Lately I've been on summer vacation from school and taking a break from the drama and college life but dumb me couldn't be without school without feeling like a loser so I had to take at least one class. Especially since I sucked this Fall semester, I've gotta re-take 2 of my classes and it pisses me off! Oh well, I guess I had it coming when I stopped showing up to class all the time and I was in and out of the hospital.

I've been going to Weight watchers for about 8 weeks now and trying to lose this awful nasty weight for the last time! I've been doing good and losing this weight but it takes sooooo long, I just want to lose it and forget that I was ever fat (for 5 years, almost 6) I just hate seeing my big ass in the mirror our esp. in pictures, I've forbidden picture taking of myself. Do not ever try to take a pic of me! I'll slap that damn camera out of your hands!

As for the kids! Audrey is talking more and more and being such a good girl! She's my opposite and is so fun to chill with, we read, watch tv, play in her room and go walking together, she's so fun and attached to her mama. And as for Bubbs he's almost done with kindergarten! he can't wait, he's literally counting down the days he has left in school. He also just finished T-Ball season and starts basketball pretty soon. Last month we went to Disneyland and Audrey keeps begging and begging to go again, they loved it there! We're planning a trip to the San Diego zoo this month and looking forward to our Vegas Vacation! (can't wait) since we've came home from it last year we keep talking about it and look forward to it!

Naty just finished his 4th year of school (1 more to go) so when he finishes his 5th year we're planning on going on a cruise and leaving our troubles behind! LOL! leaving everything behind and just relaxing, we've gotta plan that already. Right now Naty just got transferred to the Sony Pictures Studio and he's hoping to see some movie stars and get star strucked, hahahaha.....thank God that mostly everything is going really well for us.

My health is still keeping me back but I know it'll get better, I just went back to the e.r again a week ago for a 104 fever and bad stomach pain, well after crying about this pain for a year and some they found infection on my uterus and said it can be caused by my own healthy body or many other things, after checking me out and doing all the tests, they don't know how it happened. As long as it goes away I'm happy with that! I know I'll get better! I have too!

Let's see, what else?!?!?! oh yeah, my mom is moving to my neck of the woods at the end of this month and I'm hoping she can help me out on some days with the kids so that I don't get too stressed out and can have less going on in my crazy life! I know she will, always has my back! (with 2 hands) hahahaha!! Ok, well I guess thats it. I better get my nalgas to bed. GN
marlene