Waiting for my man!

I hate Tuesdays and Thursdays, these days drag and I'm alone all day with the kids and wait for Naty to show up on our doorstep. He goes to school on these nights so I don't see him till about 8:30-9pm, theres days that the kids are good and most days that they're not. Today was one of those not too good days. First of all, I didn't go to school today so that meant Bubbs didn't go either. Naty woke us up late and I usually leave at 5:30 and he woke me up at 5:45! I hate rushing and I hate the feeling after of rushing cause my heart is pumping and I'm speeding thru traffic putting me and my kids lives in danger and its not cool! And plus today I felt so tired, so tired from all the running around after coming back from Vegas and our vacation wasn't all that relaxing it was a lot of work with the kids all day and rushing here and there to make times. So I guess the vacation did wear us all out. It's hard to get back in the swing of things and I don't know why but I felt much more at home in Vegas, the little condo was so cozy and it felt like we were starting a new life somewhere far. It felt good actually to be far from here. Maybe one day we'll pack it all up and move across the country. Life is too short to stay in one place. You all would think I was pathetic knowing that cry when I don't see Naty after a certain number of hours, I think it has to do a lot with what we went thru in the pass. When he was sick I would go all night without seeing him and I would cry and cry until I seen him. I hate remembering bad times but hey, how can I escape them? See on these days I get depressed and lonely, I think about all the bad instead of the good. I hate this about me, I wish I can be independent and be able to do things without Naty, BUT I CAN'T. I can't just be without him, alot of you are probably thinking, "What a dumb, whipped girl!" I don't care, cause thats what I am! Loud and Clear, I'm in love with my husband and I want the world to know! And no I'm not drunk (come on its a Tuesday!) We have so much fun together, we laugh together, we fight together and laugh about it later, we cap on each other, we call each other names and kid with each other, I can tell him anything and I can always count on him. And right now I feel awful without him here, even when we were staying in the in laws duplex his mom would trip out on me and not understand why I would get so depressed on the days he was at school. I would cry to her and laugh at the same time and tell her I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and she would laugh and always tell me, don't be sad, he'll be home soon and I'm not alone, I'm with family that loves me and she would cry too. I guess she understands it more than I do cause at times like now, I can't pin point why I get like this. At one time I was out of control and would cry for anything, I would just cry and Naty wouldn't know what to do, I finally got me some happy pills called Prozac and all they did was make me tired as hell and make me lose my sex drive! Yes, I lost my sex drive (had to believe ;) and of course Naty didn't like that so he would tell me to do it the right way and not depend on pills, I took his advice and went cold turkey off them and went a little crazy for a while, it was awful. I hid it a lot from Naty, I would mostly stay up and cry myself to sleep. At times it would be in the day but mostly at night (thank God!) Naty would have probably left me if he knew how many times I was crying at night, and for no fucking reason! No reason at all!!! Thats the messed up shit about it! I hate when he would ask me, "Why are you crying, there has to be a reason?" and there never was! I was so pathetic, I hated myself at that time, i thought I was losing my mind. Finally I got some relief and stopped the madness, it's been the best now, I don't get those feelings as often, but I do still get them. Especially on Tues and Thurs and when the kids push me over my edge. But before it was every freakin' day and night, now I can say 1/3 of that now.

Now the butthole is home and he's getting on my nerves!! Hahahaha (gotta love him) "Can't live with them, can't live without them"

Our house still looks like we've only been here for a month (when its been 3) I got rid of 3 boxes yesterday, still have more to go. On sunday when the family came my mom helped clean and did a good job, I've kept it up since and at least its clean but still not how I want it! We've gotta get to the damn hallway, I hate taping and doing the ends, I hate it!! I wish I can just grab the stuff and get to work, but I can't, I have these kids to take care of and the hubby, then I have the house chores, then school, then homework..... I wish when people say, " You're still not situated yet?" They can put into consideration, the above! Come on people, don't ask me again or I'll slap you silly!

Audrey is saying more and more each day, she's talking in sentences and being a bigger brat and defending herself from the beast Bubbs. Bubbs is doing good in school and loves it, his grandma walks him every morning while I'm at school and then I pick him up and he hates telling me anything about school. I think its because of the time I almost made a scene with some little asain boy that pulled the string out of his hooded sweater! Naty had just bought him a GAP sweater for his b-day and this little brat of a kid comes up to him and pulls it out, I got so mad at Bubbs for not socking or pushing this kid! He can sure be a brat at home but doesn't use it when he needs it, well I started telling Bubbs a few things and he got so upset and said, "I wever tellin you noting" (I'm never telling you nothing) then I talked with him and told him sorry but he has to defend himself and never let anyone touch him, but now that I ask him how was school or what did he do, he gets so mad and yells that he doesn't want to tell me. What did I do and how do I get him out of this?

Naty put up the Christmas lights last night and they look so cool! The kids were excited and (so was I) I love christmas, I've gotta hit up Kmart tomarrow and buy something really nice for my Chimeny. I never put anything nice on it when I should! It's big and nice. I'm gonna spend some good money too, shhh don't tell Naty.

Anyway, my peeps, gotta get to the market and gets some milk for Audrey. Naty wants me to go with him so I'll talk to you all later.

I'm back :)

Safe and sound....
My biggest fear about traveling is getting into a car accident or something really bad happening to your home while you were away. Well Thankfully none of the above happened. I'm happy to report the worse thing to happen was us hitting a big tumbleweed on the way home. hahahahahaha

We had so much fun and did so much I don't know where to start, I'll break it down day by day.

Saturday, November 19th

• we left around 11:45 am and got there around 3:40 pm, we checked into the resort and got settled in about an hour.
• We left to eat at the San Remo Hotel cause we heard they had a good prime rib special for 5.99 well it was good but not sure if it was prime rib.?????
• Then we hit the strip and went to M&M world, seen a 3D M&M movie called "I lost my M in Las Vegas" it was cute for the kids. That store is huge and we bought things for Bubbs teacher and his grandma.
• After that we went to see the Lion Habitat at the MGM and they were asleep.
• We went back to the room and watched movies and went to sleep.

Sunday, November 20th

• We went shopping at the Outlet Shopping Center and bought a bunch of things. They had some good deals but I thought it would be a little cheaper. Oh yeah I got some Velour J-Lo pants for $10 bucks and made them fit! LOL!
• Went to circus circus and won a hundred bucks (but lost them later in the week)

Monday, November 21st

• went to a time share presentation to get free shark reef tickets.
• Went to the shark reef at Mandalay Bay
• Went to a magic show at Tropicana

Tuesday, November 22nd

• Stood in the hotel alllllllllll day mostly while Naty took the kids swimming in the nice heated pool.
• Did crafts at the activities center.
• Jose and Monica came to visit and we ate dinner

Wednesday, November 23rd

• Went to Hoover Dam with Jose, Monica, Naty and kids. We took a picture at the Nevada/Arizona border. (like the movie "Fools Rush in")
• Went to eat at some nice Bar and Grill across the street from the resort.
• Jose and Monica left and My mom, Steph and Carlos got there.
• We went to the Fremont Experience (downtown Vegas) when my mom and them came. They had a laser show in the sky and I had to have a Strawberry Daquiri

Thursday, November 24th

• Made Thanksgiving Dinner in the condo (turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, rolls and salad).
• Hit the strip to walk off the dinner, we walked the whole strip and it got late fast so we had to take the tram back to the MGM and it overlooked the strip, we were glad to be back to our car!

Friday, November 25th

• We loafted around the resort and BBQ'd and went swimming.
• Then at night time, Steph took care of the kids and we went to Downtown Vegas and drank and gambled. I drank 1 (20 oz.) Margarita, 4 tequila sunrises, 1 Kahlula Creme, 2 Smirnoff's and a shot. I was feeling good. :) I felt gross in the middle of night when I woke up and couldn't walk straight. My mom woke up and barfed her guts out~!!! Hahahahaha (don't tell her I told you!!)

Saturday, November 26th

• It was time to clean and go home :( We cleaned up the condo and left Vegas, it was so sad. The week went by so fast.

I'm gonna make sure to take a vacation every year. It was so fun and I can't wait to go next year. Hopefully we can use our mini vacation and go to Puerto Vallarta. The kids were cry babies in the beginning cause I guess they missed their house, but they got used to it after they went swimming in the spa tub! hahahahaha (we gotta get us one of those)

School is almost over! I have about 3 more weeks, I can't wait!! I feel like I've been in school forever and I can't escape. I know I can't quit now, I've come too far!

Sunday the family came over and we had a BBQ. It was really relaxing and it felt good to be home. I can't believe how much I forgot about my house and how I function in it, it was only a week and I feel like I've been gone a long time. I need to do this more often ;)

Marlene

Cha Ching!

I got my financial aid money!! woooo wooo! I'm so happy cause now I can have a nicer vacation! I can buy what I want when I want without asking Naty for cash! I can't wait till I'm done with school and rolling in dough and just splurge when I want! Can't wait.

Today was the usual, wake up early, go to school and wait for Bubbs. But today Bubbs decided that he wanted to spend the night and get his grandma involved..She started begging me to let him spend the night and I told her if I would have known I would have left a long time ago and could have got things done at home before we leave! But I had to leave him so that he wouldn't cry and he wouldn't hate me... So then I took my grandma home and didn't get home till a half hour ago and Audrey's sleeping so I thought I'd get on and post.

Yesturday I took 2 cold tablets and i felt so drunk and weird. I layed down but the kids didn't let me rest, so I was walking sideways and slurring. I couldn't stay up so I tried to make Audrey stay on the bed with me but at one time I woke up and she wasn't on the bed with me, Bubbs was being a good big bro and was watching t.v. with her in the living room. I went to see the clock and noticed Naty would be home shortly so I plopped my big ass right on the bed face first and didn't wake up till 7:30, Naty was watching them that whole time and I still didn't study so I had to dust off the books and get to work. UUHHHHH! I so need this vacation and I can't wait to take a jello shot my homie Vanessa told me about. Since we're gonna have the kids with us we've gotta wait till my mom comes in on next Wed. and see if she'll watch them one of those days so I can take off and get wasted at some club with Naty.

This March we went for my birthday and we went to some club called Rum Jungle and let me tell you! There were girls hanging from the ceiling literally. Girls in cages dancing everywhere, it was awesome! I just wish I had a body like theirs. We were so wasted that we walked all the way back to our hotel at the Excalibur and laughed all the way there cause we thought it would be closer. Good lord my thunder thighs were so sore! I have to make sure to make another trip to Margaritaville, yummm those margaritas are the bomb!! I had a bahama mama too but it was pure alcohol and tasted gross.

So anyway, my peeps, I've gotta get to cleaning the casa and clearing another box, my goal is 4 boxes from now till Sat. I also need to paint the hallway still and I'm done.
Peace
Marlene

Enter if you Dare!

Hey you Guys,
I thought this would be a good way of sharing, venting and just mainly letting you all know whats going on in the Soto Household and my crazy life! My sociology teacher recommended this for me so that it can help me take out my fustrations and joys on a computer! I've been wanting to get a hold of a lot of you and hardley have time to call everyone and say hi let alone give them the full update on us. When I get on here to BLOG its gonna be "me time" time that I can relax and just let go of the day. Mostly when the kids are napping, playing, at school or late at night when everyone's asleep. A lot goes on everyday in my crazy life of being a wife, mother and full time student.......talk about stress........Thank you all that are checking up on us and please leave comments so that I know you're here :) Here I go...........

Let me just tell you all that I'm sick like a dog, strep throat, ears hurting and all. So today Bubbs didn't have school and Steph spent the night and I had school so I had to drive to El Monte to drop the kids off and then go to school for about 2 hours which wasn't even worth it and to top it off my teachers just bullshitted about some shit that I didn't pay attention to and I felt horrible. I couldn't miss school cause I'm missing next week for VEGAS!! We're leaving this saturday and coming back next saturday, I need this vacation bad!!! I'm so stressed out with school and I just had all my midterms. SUCKS!! I hate school at times but I know it will all be worth it at the end.....I keep telling myself that to get thru all the drama.

My house is coming along and looking better, we just had so much to do, especially since we're painting every freakin room a different color! But it was all my idea and I'm now regretting it. I thought it would be easy to just slap on the paint and finish this whole house on a weekend, YEAH RIGHT, its been almost 3 months that we've been here and we haven't finished painting this bitch! uuuuhhhhhhh so fustrating and we still have shit in boxes that are for the walls that i can't put up till we're done! and why can't I just finish, cause I get home around 330 everyday, then I have to clean the mess we already have, wash clothes, make dinner, tend to the kids (a job of its own), then help Bubbs with his homework, do my homework and then the day is gone. I'm constantly on this damn computer trying to do homework and it makes me tired so then I get really tired and don't feel like doing shit! Thats been my story for the past 2 1/2 months. And the days that Naty goes to school are hell for me! ON Tues and Thurs nights he has school and doesn't come home till 830-9pm! I'm already hitting the sack at that time and burnt out! Then the weekend comes and we've got parties, people over, dinners, etc...... and shit gets done! so fustrating!!

And to top it off Naty almost made me faint and shit in my paints at the same time 2 days ago. The kids were on the floor coloring in their coloring books and we're just chillin' on the couch cause we had someone over (forgot who?) and he tells me..........that he wants more kids!! I couldn't believe it, for most of you that don't know Naty wanted to cut off his own dick so that I wouldn't get pregnant. He was soooooooo set on no more and would just make dumb ass comments about it. You know when people ask, "So do you guys want anymore?" and his response was always, "HELL NO" I would want to slap him when he said that shit cause I'm the one who takes care of them! Anyway, so I thought Naty was deadset on no more and he would kill me if I got prego. So he wants to talk about it more but its not for sure. I don't know if I can handle 3 kids. I love my babies and do really good with them now but to add another one sounds like I'd go nuts. Who knows? Whatever God has in store for me I guess I'll go with the flow. I know I'm in school but there will be a big pause from finishing at East L.A. college till I go to Medical school and thats when we think if I were to get pregnant that I should have the baby. that means I'll be prego at East L.A. College for a little while and thats ghetto!!! I don't want to be a pregnant student! I see them all the time and I feel embarressed for them! I know its sad but its my honest truth! Theres hardly no pregnant girls and when you see one its kind of weird. I know we're all adults but it looks just weird to me. Sooooooooooo I'm taking everything into consideration, (everything! LOL!!!) Not only that I might have to give up my beautiful computer room, or I'll only be able to have 1 other passenger in my car cause my 3 kids will take up all the room in the back and if I have Naty in the front then no one can go with us anywhere!! LMAO!!!!!! I know I'm an idiot but I think of everything and of course hoping that its healthy and nothing horrible happens to it......(thats automatic) but everything from small to big.

At the moment I'm trying to lose this fatass of mine! Right before we moved from El Monte I was a whopping 211!! can u believe that shit! a pound away from my heaviest. I guess I got really depressed being there with the in laws and kicking the tenants out that I just ate and ate some more. Well during the month that we moved back I lost weight and I'm now back to 195 which is cool on my part. I'm happy cause I'm not 200 anymore! If I do decide to get prego I want to lose at least 20-30 lbs. I'll keep losing till I eventually get pregnant.

Well most of you were at my babies party and I thank you all so much for coming! I had so much fun!!! I was sooooooooo tore up!! I danced the whole night, the next day I couldn't talk or walk! Ruben called me the next day to talk shit and make fun of me cause I wouldn't stop dancing and I did the worm at one night and almost made everyone shit their pants! Me, Elsie and Laura were tore up just dancing and competing with the girls. Of course we won cause they can't top BIG GIRL!! shooooooooottttttt! But the Keg was almost empty (thanks Laura and Elsie, LOL!) And the kids got much love from everyone. Thanks soooo much!!!

And now I hear the brats! LOL! I've gotta go tend to my babies, I'll see you all later.

Marlene

Starting the party, you can see Uncle Mike and Sal

the cool jumper we got and Naty's dad.

my Lil Aud posing with her beer belly. I didn't get none of my son he disappeared that night-what a bad mom!
Below: My sexy cousin Lessie and her Cool ass Hubby Sal.

Ok obviously the date is wrong on this pic! (my camera sucks) Me and my wonderful hubby Naty!