Waiting for my man!

I hate Tuesdays and Thursdays, these days drag and I'm alone all day with the kids and wait for Naty to show up on our doorstep. He goes to school on these nights so I don't see him till about 8:30-9pm, theres days that the kids are good and most days that they're not. Today was one of those not too good days. First of all, I didn't go to school today so that meant Bubbs didn't go either. Naty woke us up late and I usually leave at 5:30 and he woke me up at 5:45! I hate rushing and I hate the feeling after of rushing cause my heart is pumping and I'm speeding thru traffic putting me and my kids lives in danger and its not cool! And plus today I felt so tired, so tired from all the running around after coming back from Vegas and our vacation wasn't all that relaxing it was a lot of work with the kids all day and rushing here and there to make times. So I guess the vacation did wear us all out. It's hard to get back in the swing of things and I don't know why but I felt much more at home in Vegas, the little condo was so cozy and it felt like we were starting a new life somewhere far. It felt good actually to be far from here. Maybe one day we'll pack it all up and move across the country. Life is too short to stay in one place. You all would think I was pathetic knowing that cry when I don't see Naty after a certain number of hours, I think it has to do a lot with what we went thru in the pass. When he was sick I would go all night without seeing him and I would cry and cry until I seen him. I hate remembering bad times but hey, how can I escape them? See on these days I get depressed and lonely, I think about all the bad instead of the good. I hate this about me, I wish I can be independent and be able to do things without Naty, BUT I CAN'T. I can't just be without him, alot of you are probably thinking, "What a dumb, whipped girl!" I don't care, cause thats what I am! Loud and Clear, I'm in love with my husband and I want the world to know! And no I'm not drunk (come on its a Tuesday!) We have so much fun together, we laugh together, we fight together and laugh about it later, we cap on each other, we call each other names and kid with each other, I can tell him anything and I can always count on him. And right now I feel awful without him here, even when we were staying in the in laws duplex his mom would trip out on me and not understand why I would get so depressed on the days he was at school. I would cry to her and laugh at the same time and tell her I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and she would laugh and always tell me, don't be sad, he'll be home soon and I'm not alone, I'm with family that loves me and she would cry too. I guess she understands it more than I do cause at times like now, I can't pin point why I get like this. At one time I was out of control and would cry for anything, I would just cry and Naty wouldn't know what to do, I finally got me some happy pills called Prozac and all they did was make me tired as hell and make me lose my sex drive! Yes, I lost my sex drive (had to believe ;) and of course Naty didn't like that so he would tell me to do it the right way and not depend on pills, I took his advice and went cold turkey off them and went a little crazy for a while, it was awful. I hid it a lot from Naty, I would mostly stay up and cry myself to sleep. At times it would be in the day but mostly at night (thank God!) Naty would have probably left me if he knew how many times I was crying at night, and for no fucking reason! No reason at all!!! Thats the messed up shit about it! I hate when he would ask me, "Why are you crying, there has to be a reason?" and there never was! I was so pathetic, I hated myself at that time, i thought I was losing my mind. Finally I got some relief and stopped the madness, it's been the best now, I don't get those feelings as often, but I do still get them. Especially on Tues and Thurs and when the kids push me over my edge. But before it was every freakin' day and night, now I can say 1/3 of that now.

Now the butthole is home and he's getting on my nerves!! Hahahaha (gotta love him) "Can't live with them, can't live without them"

Our house still looks like we've only been here for a month (when its been 3) I got rid of 3 boxes yesterday, still have more to go. On sunday when the family came my mom helped clean and did a good job, I've kept it up since and at least its clean but still not how I want it! We've gotta get to the damn hallway, I hate taping and doing the ends, I hate it!! I wish I can just grab the stuff and get to work, but I can't, I have these kids to take care of and the hubby, then I have the house chores, then school, then homework..... I wish when people say, " You're still not situated yet?" They can put into consideration, the above! Come on people, don't ask me again or I'll slap you silly!

Audrey is saying more and more each day, she's talking in sentences and being a bigger brat and defending herself from the beast Bubbs. Bubbs is doing good in school and loves it, his grandma walks him every morning while I'm at school and then I pick him up and he hates telling me anything about school. I think its because of the time I almost made a scene with some little asain boy that pulled the string out of his hooded sweater! Naty had just bought him a GAP sweater for his b-day and this little brat of a kid comes up to him and pulls it out, I got so mad at Bubbs for not socking or pushing this kid! He can sure be a brat at home but doesn't use it when he needs it, well I started telling Bubbs a few things and he got so upset and said, "I wever tellin you noting" (I'm never telling you nothing) then I talked with him and told him sorry but he has to defend himself and never let anyone touch him, but now that I ask him how was school or what did he do, he gets so mad and yells that he doesn't want to tell me. What did I do and how do I get him out of this?

Naty put up the Christmas lights last night and they look so cool! The kids were excited and (so was I) I love christmas, I've gotta hit up Kmart tomarrow and buy something really nice for my Chimeny. I never put anything nice on it when I should! It's big and nice. I'm gonna spend some good money too, shhh don't tell Naty.

Anyway, my peeps, gotta get to the market and gets some milk for Audrey. Naty wants me to go with him so I'll talk to you all later.