Been Gone

But now I'm back. This Spring semester I'm taking 16 units! Way over what I should be taking and I'm non-stop studying and doing homework. I've never been at school this much ever! I'm glad though that this will be my last full load in a while. After this Fall I'll be off chilling at home with the kids and relaxing and waiting to get called for the PA program. Hopefully that is not a long wait.

Let's see........Since the last time I wrote we went to Laughlin with the whole familia on a turn around bus. During that time me and Naty were helping his parents fix up their rental in East L.A. We did a lot and it came out soooo nice! Anyway, Naty wasn't going to go with me to Laughlin but then changed his mind cause he wanted to get out and do something. So on the way there all we did was laugh and talk crap to each other like always. Honestly I thought Laughlin would be funner than it was. It's nothing like Vegas, theres no shows no entertainment.....nothing. We gambled a little bit and went shopping at the mall then watched a movie. I had more fun on the bus! I drank a little but not enough ;) I bought this margarita that was bigger than my head it was soooooooooooo good!! yummmmmmmmm

I've also taken on another responsiblity of being a volunteer at USC Hospital, mostly cause I want to help and also because I need to do 100 hours of volunteering for my major and honestly I can't wait! I love the atmosphere of a hospital (not being the patient) but working in one.

Bubbs is playing T-Ball again this year so I've been taking him to practice and using that time to play with Audrey at the playground. I feel bad that I don't do a lot with my kids but I know it's for our own good. All of what I'm doing is mostly to set an example for my kids and be able to pay for their schooling. I do see them a lot but when it comes to studying or homework I have to give them coloring books and crayons to keep them busy right next to me and they say their doing homework too. I take breaks and play with them for a little bit then I go back to work. And Naty is also in school (started last week) and he's hardly home again. I was already getting used to him being home all the time and it sucks now that he's back in school.

And as for Audrey she's just growing and being more and more of a brat! she's too funny! She talks a lot and does funny stuff all the time. She loves books and coloring. I just have to watch her that she doesn't draw on my beige carpet or walls!

I really need to take more pics of my babies, they're so big already. Anyway, wish me luck cause I'm going to need it this semester.
marlene

Back to School

Well I'm off to school again tomarrow and I'm sad, mostly because I won't be able to spend my mornings and afternoons with Audrey. This time I'll be at school all day cause of my two science classes. I already miss my babies, this sucks. I need to stay on top of these classes cause they are going to get me in the school I want to get into.

We went to Pat and Carol's today for the superbowl and ate there. Michelle's wedding is in October and we had to pick out the dresses for the bridesmaids. I better get to bed now since tomarrow is school and its back to waking up at 5am! uuuuhhhhhh!! thats what I'm gonna hate!
marlene

MySpace

I found so many of my old friends on there and it feels like I'm back in high school. I can't believe how time flies by and how everyone is grown up now. Not many of them have kids and have graduated from college...That makes me want it more. I can't give up! I want to finish what I started for sure!

I'm home alone again, Naty's doing a side job today and I can't wait till he gets home. I'm not cooking today cause I just don't feel like it or don't feel good either. These kids are so crazy and the house is so tore up! Toys everywhere!!! I almost stepped on one and killed myself.

Countdown is about to start after this week. I go back to school on Feb. 6th, I guess it's good since I'll be back on track and closer to my goals.

anyway, I better do something with this tornado. Bye
marlene

www.myspace.com/sotoscene

Break Time

I was taking a class for winter session and decided to take some time off since I haven't in 2 years! So I ended up dropping the class in hopes to relax........WRONG! Now I'm feeling like a total loser being home and I feel like I'm doing something bad. I go back for spring session in Feb. and hopefully I'll be back on track. I just feel when I stay home that I'm not accomplishing nothing and start thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts. I'm hoping to do good this semester cause I got two C's for Fall and I need to fight one of them cause I deserved an A in one class, at least a B! But not a C!!!!!! I was so pist so now I've gotta go fight with my teacher and if she doesn't change it I'm gonna take it up with the dean and petition it. Thats a crazy ass grade!! For A's on all my papers and to come out with a C??? Makes noooooooooo sense!

In Feb. everyone supposed to go to Laughlin, I've never been there and I'm scared to lose my ass. I'm only gonna gamble about 100, I swear! I'm such a tight ass! I know I did a lot more in vegas but I don't want to chance it again. I honestly don't even know why I'm going!! I think I'm gonna look it up and see what other things I can do there instead of only gambling. I'm clueless when it comes to that place.

Oh and Audrey is finally off the baba!! I'm so happy, I thought this day would never come cause she was so addicted to it. I mean especially to go to sleep. Did I suffer in her first days! Oh and she's a cry baby now. she never really cared and just chilled but she's been acting like a spoiled brat lately and doing lots of crazy things! Her terrible two's have come in full force! So I guess now that I'm taking a vacation I can catch up on other things around the house. Anyway, gotta go cut the grass.
marlene

Happy New Year

New years was very quiet and calm for us this year. We rented movies and drank by ourselves. We stood up watching the Dick Clark special (wobbling corpse!) and when the new year rang in we just gave our hugs to each other and the kids and called it a night. Every new year I have this fear of the world ending. I guess since I was small I was tramatized into thinking that every new year God might come and end it all for us. I really thought that for 2000 and was so scared the whole day.

This tuesday I started Winter Session at school (chemistry) and so far its kind of hard but I have a year to go of it! :( But today I really messed up and didn't go to class. I woke up late and got to school at around 8:15 (class starts @8) and there was noooooooo more parking! I was panicking cause I had a test today and I was so mad at myself I wanted to cry. Winter session is a short 5 weeks but I have to go from 8-2:20pm M-Th. It sucked that I missed today, I felt like a loser all day and I kept kicking myself for it. I'm still not totally over it cause I know I messed up and especially that if I miss another day I can get kicked out. So from now on its making sure that I wake up on time and that I get my big ass to school everyday. I have 4 more weeks to go! I can do this! I'm just not use to waking up early again. I was sleeping in for the week that I was off of school and now its hard for me to wake up! And on the weekends I sleep in then come Monday and its sooooo hard for me to get up and function right. The inlaws aren't back from Mexico yet so no breakfast for me. Usually my MIL makes me breakfast and I'm always set in the morning. Now that she's not here I need her here to help me with the kids! My mom was watching the kids this week. I can't wait till I get that extra help back.

Also I might go to USC's P.A. program instead of the other college I was going to go to. USC is way more expensive but I'll have the label of being a USC student that will help me in the long run and help my salary as well. I'm still not sure if I should go for it. It's so hard to make a decision and its mostly because of the money issue. I know they'll help me BUT to a limit. There's no such thing as a free ride. Well actually I'm having one now living with Naty and him supporting me but hopefully not for long cause I hate having to depend on someone! I can't wait to have my own money and buy what I want, when I want!

Anyway, gotta go get these kids in bed. Peace out

Merry Christmas

Wow where do I start? It was one crazy christmas cause my babies have been sick. Friday we finally finally got the painting done and the boxes cleared!! yeah! WE still need some painting in the dining room but thats nothing!! The hardest part is done.

Friday, we cleared some boxes and threw out a bunch of stuff mostly because I don't know where to put the stuff. Naty moved the t.v. so that we can see it better without the Christmas tree in the way. I also baked some cookies for xmas eve and got a lot of things ready.

On Christmas Eve morning, I had to clean the rest of the house and make breakfast. We ate really fast cause the time was just zooming by and everyone would be here soon. I made carnitas (tacos), ham, tamales (bought those), beans and lots of goodies. I got pretty tipsy but not drunk like I wanted! Audrey got a fever and started feeling sick so I had to calm it a little. My little babies cheeks were so red.

On Christmas Day we left the mess from the day before and went to my granny's for dinner and the Christmas exchange. I got spongebob slippers, sleep pants and a nightshirt! I loved it!! I tried drinking again but only got a little buzzed! I think I'm getting used to the alcohol now. I wanted to feel good and tipsy but it wasn't working. We chilled with the family and came home. I had fun but Audrey was was so sick so it was time to go.

My house still isn't perfect cause of me being sick. I kind of lost my voice and my throat hurts from coughing so much. I hate being sick. I thought I had 2 weeks off of school but it was only one!! I go back next Tues. which sucks!!!!!!!!! I'm thinking of taking the winter off just because I need a break. I know I can finish faster but I'm sooooooo tired of school right now. I'm in school burn-out mode, so far I've got one of my grades back for Philosophy (B!!) that class was soooooooooo awful!! I hated it and I still don't understand WTF Philosophy is!! It's so confusing and too advanced for me, BUT, I MADE IT! Now to wait for my Spanish and Speech grade.

Today all I've been doing is loafing around and watching surreal life on VH1, I never seen this show and they were showing like a marathon of it. It's so hilarious! I feel in love with Peter Brady! LMAO! He's so sexy and old too. VH1 has some good reality shows! I think I'm hooked!

Well tomarrow its all about picking up my gut and getting to work. I hope I get better and am able to do some more tomarrow. OH well gotta go to bed its so late. Goodnight

Happy Birthday Audrey

Yesterday was my angel's birthday. We took the kids to a new pizza place called John's, its soooooo cool! When any of you come down we need to hit that place up again. It's a italian buffet with different rooms and different themes and you can pick any dining room that you want to go eat in and it has a big acarde and glow in the dark golf. We had a lot of fun. I can't believe my baby is 2 already, its soooooo sad. I miss her being a little peanut and her chubby little self. She's so big now. Where did the time go?

This time last year I was suffering in a hospital room, crying my eyes out to get out. I was in so much pain and wanted out! I remember getting released the night of the 22nd, I didn't want to stay and begged for them to let me go. I had a fever and felt so dizzy but had to come home cause my Bubbs was waiting for us with his grandparents. I remember having a hard night with my little pumpkin cause I was in pain and it was hard to get out of bed and of course Naty slept while I was hard at work (like always). So now here we are, 2 years later.
(She got into Naty's hair gel!)

Finals

Today was my first final and I think I did ok, it was like a 5 minute test that was really easy but of course I didn't even study. My Bubbs and Naty are really sick right now so I'm playing doctor. I feel like I'm coming down with something too but my head is hurting more than before. I have really bad headaches that don't go away even after medicine sometimes. I love the cold weather but hate when we get sick, it sucks.

I just wanted to show this funny picture of Audrey vacuming. I can't believe she'll be 2 tomarrow!

My Brat

I just had to post this picture of Audrey, I was here online thinking that she's asleep and find out that she took down all the books and they're all over the desk and the floor! She's such a little brat but I love her! She smells like pickles right now. pewwwww

Today was the last day of offical school and next week are finals. I'm thinking of not going during Winter and using that time to relax. I swear I'm gonna have a break down sooner or later. It's so much stress and work and with the kids and Naty I feel like I'm pushing them aside while I "better" myself. I don't feel guilty cause its all for them but I feel like I can do better and more if I wasn't so caught up in school. I need some time after two years of going no stop, full time, it has taken a toll on me. I have migranes up the ass and many other problems that I don't want to bore you with. But going back and forth to Kaiser has been my life story for the past 2 years.

Tomarrow I have nooooooooo school so its all about me sleeping all morning and getting things ready for christmas, last minute shopping and cleaning. Good thing I got most of the laundry out of the way. I'm washing it tonight and hanging it out so that i can be out all morning and It'll dry faster. We still have the dryer in the garage. Naty's here now so I gotta go. Bye

Did I ever say school sucked?

Well it does! I can't escape it! UUHHHHH! Next week is finals and I'm dreading them and hating school so much at the moment. My spanish class is just getting harder and harder, I just got speech class out of the way and did my final speech yesterday and got a87%, the philosophy is getting harder too with even more homework, I'm going crazy!!! I can't focus on school work either. I've been trying and trying and I can't study, I have too many things running around in my peanut. I even broke out in a rash.

We went to dinner Sunday evening for my mother in laws birthday and on the way home I started getting real hot and felt like pins were poking at my hands. Naty was driving and I told him that I felt hot and my hands and arms are burning and hurting. He's like, "oh yeah", whatever (same shit), then I started feeling dizzy and worse. Well I sucked it up and when we got home I couldn't take it and my hands started burning really bad and Naty turned the light on and my hand was red and had little bumps on it. It started itching like crazy too, so I put some Rx cream that was naty's on my hand and it started oozing, (sick I know) so now I have a hard piece of skin there with bumps---gross. Of course brought on by stress, good thing I didn't put it on my arms cause it would have done the same to my arms. GROSS.....

Well its Tuesday again, my lonely day... Naty doesn't get home till 9 :( I can't believe that I miss him this much! I see his mug everyday! LOL!

I found this new love for Martha Stewart. www.marthastewart.com I can't believe she's this interesting. I'm hoping to have a Martha Stewart Christmas! I'm gonna following some of her recipes for christmas and try to be fabulous! (really, u think I'm kidding-1st I need to learn how to spell the word) I guess this xmas everyones going over my grandma's so everyones invited to my house for xmas eve. We're getting wasted!! Thats all I've gotta say. I'm gonna bust the vodka, tequila and rum out. So come one come all....

Naty asked me yesterday if I want to go to vegas again and I said yes without thinking. Now I'm scared of going because of the drive and how dangerous it is. Ever since that truck tire came at us on the road in March I'm scared of driving far. That would be 3 times this year that we go to Vegas if we go. He wants to stay maybe the weekend cause one of his baby friends is turning 21 and he wanted us to go with him. I wish we could fly instead of drive. We'll see. But I need another vacation badly! After next thursday its all over! I'm gonna sleep all day and wake up late every morning. I deserve it. I'm already tired of waking up so early, I look like a zombie.

Speaking of looking like shit, my face started breaking out really bad. I decided to go and buy Proactiv after Vanessa said it works really good. Well I've used it twice since buying it and I like it already. My skin doesn't look as oily or dry. I've gotta stop picking at my face though, everytime a new one pops up I start picking at it. So if any of you are thinking of trying it I'll be your test dummy and you can ask me later how its working cause its expensive.

Anyway, c you later

Where did the time go?

My babies are so big.....I keep watching these damn baby shows and it makes me want more! I always say I want more but not the work...tell me how thats possible, only if I was rich! I still don't think in that case I'd want a stranger raising my baby. As it is, when my babies were born and my MIL or my mom would try to help me with them I would feel guilty for not being the one to change their diaper or make them a bottle. I remember the first night I brought Bubbs home from the hospital I was still living with my mom. I just had the c-section and had to sleep in the living room cause my bed was too high to get on without hurting so bad, so me and my mom camped out in the living room. I remember I was high on pain medicine that didn't even work that great but had me in space...and my mom woke up and got Bubbs and started to feed him, I was so upset that I had my mom doing all the work while I did nothing but stare, I remember telling her to give him to me and that I'd feed him and she was like, no I'll do it, go to sleep its ok, you're in a lot of pain. I felt so guilty that I was young, got knocked up and she was doing what I was supposed to do. It wasn't fair. I was sooooooo emotionally drained, sooooooooo much in physical pain and my Naty wasn't there :( That must have been the sadest time of my life when it should have been the happiest. I was happy to have a baby but sad cause I wasn't complete, I didn't have Naty. I never knew a human could possibly hurt so much. I thought my life was over. I remember my mom trying to give me sleeping pills just so that I could sleep, what person could not sleep just having a newborn and taking vicodin, don't know but it wasn't me......I couldn't function, couldn't go outside, couldn't talk, couldn't take a shower, couldn't breathe at times...(sometimes didn't want to) I had such a beautiful baby staring me straight in my eyes waiting for my attention and love and I just couldn't. I was failing horribly as a mother and as a human being. I'd take care of Bubbs like, bathe, change, feed but it didn't feel real, didn't feel like he was really there. I thought I was dreaming at times and that Naty would walk in any second and say, "Hi Babe, I miss you" and come and kiss his son. NOPE didn't happen, actually at this point, I still don't think he had offically met his son. Offically meaning, cuddling, kissing, counting toes, saying who he looks like........none of the above. And to tell you all the truth I don't remember much of Bubbs as a baby. As sad as that sounds but now could I? How could I recall the good moments when all the bad ones shoot in my head just like thunder? This same exact rememberance comes to mind everytime I say I want another baby. The same exact thing you're reading comes to my mind. Why???????? Do I need therapy? I'm thinking I just need to be more open and honest about it and let it out. Just by typing this it feels good to release some anxieties I have bunched up inside. When we were talking about the second baby, I told Naty I always wanted the picture perfect birth you see on t.v....you know the butterflies in your stomach the day before the delivery, Your husband by your side not only thru the birth but thru everything...something Naty wasn't with our first. Your partner to talk with...about how tiny your baby's hands are or how she looks like a certain family member, you know the mushy stuff. The mushy stuff I was robbed of with Bubbs birth. The mushy stuff I deserved to experience. When we talked it all out and decided to try for our second I was thrilled!! We had such a good delivery, I felt the love and said to myself, "So this is what it should really be like!" It was picture perfect...Naty was the best and I truly believe he did it on purpose to make up for the time that it wasn't. He was awesome but theres no escaping the first time, its something I have to live with for the rest of my life and hopefully the thought and memory will disappear on its own cause 5 years later and I can't recall some specifics so thats really good.

Soooooooo what to do, what to do? Like I said, I was thrilled when Naty said he wanted more but I'm not sure if he was now saying it to be nice, KWIM?? (know what I mean) I want more but not sure if right now is smart. I'll have a big break during Jan 2007-Aug 2007 waiting for medical school to start, so I know I can squeeze a baby in during that time, don't think before or after those dates would be smart at all. So if you hear that I'm pregnant don't be suprised, cause before I even got with Naty or had my first kid I'd always say I wanted 4 kids, don't know why but I would always say that. After Bubbs, I didn't want anymore! But after we got married, I felt closer and more connected to Naty and wanted to show our love by having another baby and had Audrey (so lucky to have her) and now that we're in a different stage in our lives I feel like we need another baby. It's so weird and don't ask me why, I just feel this way. I need remember that I'm in charge of my own life and no one else is! There's lots of people that would be against me for having another but why? why would you think I was nuts to add love to my family? I'm not one to care about what others think of me but this is a sensitive subject. I get real touchy on this one.
Do I have a home for my baby? YES
Can I financially provide for my baby? YES
Do I have a partner that would be a loving dad to my baby? YES
Would I love this baby and take care of it? YES
So whats the problem? There isn't one! Me and Naty are working our asses off to make our future happen. We started from nothing.....nothing at all.....I remember him working and saving all his pennies cause I wanted a house. He gave me my house. I remember him working harder cause I wanted a car. He bought me a new car. I remember working cause Naty wasn't making as much money then as he is now so I can take care of the utilities. I worked and never had our phone, light or gas off. When Naty was making more money I cried to him and told him I always wanted more for myself out of life and didn't want to fit the stereotype hispanic girl that is the housewife and has a shit load of kids. No not me. So what did he do? He made me go to school, yes made me and still makes me now that I think about it? LOL!! He'd rather I better myself then he better himself. So when I'm done with school I'm going to support the family while Naty takes care of himself and his education. Yes he's an electrican and makes good money BUT its not always about the money if you're not happy. I know he loves his job but he wants to have a higher education and graduate from college just like me. He deserves to be able to do that so when I'm done I'm gonna make him go to school!!! He wants to be a counselor of some sort and support these young kids that get into drugs like he did. He wants to give back in a way and knows he's really lucky to be here and be in the position that he's in today and give these young kids a reason to live and to be good people. You know share his success story. As it is when he finishes his apprenticeship (1 more year-5 years total!) all he'll need is about 5 more classes to get his associates degree so I know he'll shoot for that, for sure!

Audrey's right here laying on the floor watching "tootoons" (cartoons) she's too funny and crazy at the same time, this little girl has a mind of her own! speaking of crazy, yesterday I was in my room folding clothes and all I hear is Bubbs yelling about Audrey having caca, well to my great surprise she dug in it with her nails and decided to paint our living room walls with it! NO SHE DIDN'T IT! I wanted to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time! It smelled soooooooo gross....to top it off. I threw her in the tub and she was just smiling and I was fuming. Now its funny but when I was gagging and cleaning it, it wasn't funny at all. I better get to bed now. Naty has school tomarrow morning (CPR) and has a side job to do too. He gave me $50 to make me happy and so I wouldn't bitch I guess. I just miss him and want him to stay home but he needs to help his friend that helped him out of a crisis one time. So I guess no cooking tomarrow!! I'll make him take me out with the money he makes ;)

Who wants to slap me first?

NO I DIDN'T PAINT OR DO CRAP TO MY HOUSE! I was so ready to get down and dirty in this place and what happens...I got down and lazy. I guess I'll just stop talking about it and I'll finally get something done. So leave me alone now! LOL! First I wanted your support, now I don't want it ;)

BTW, AF came in full rage and I'm PMSing really bad! I'm about to take some Vicodin just to knock out and stop being so bitchy. UHH then I have sociology tomarrow and I hate facing my teachers after I miss school cause they look at you like, "I ain't stupid bitch, I know you were absent" and don't really act the same for the beginning of the class, you know like they're pist off at you.

This year we're doing the christmas exchange at Granny's house cause I was going to have all you buttholes here at my house then I called my Granny and she's like, "I'm having christmas dinner here cause its Nellie's b-day," whatever! I'll have food here at my house on christmas eve if you pigs want to come down. Everyones invited, so don't say I didn't invite you. Damn don't I sound bitchy! I am! I need to do my Spanish homework so just wanted to pop in and invite you guys to my house on xmas eve. Take care, I'll leave you guys with some precious pics of my babies 2 years ago. :)
marlene

It's December :)

I love the cold weather, especially the rain and thunder. Yesterday was a weird day, I woke up to the sound of a jackhammer, jackhammering my sidewalk at 6:30 am! WTF?? I almost shitted my pants and jumped out of my bed, Audrey came screaming and running to my bed. So I ended up waking up early on my resting Friday! So mad!!! So when Naty came home I was beat already, from cleaning, and Audrey and cooking, everything...I chilled with him for a bit and hit the sack at 6pm, I didn't wake up till around 11pm and it was raining......I MISSED THE RAIN! Can u believe that?? Thats all I wait for all year and I missed it, I had to go outside and smell it. It smelled so good. aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! weirdo...

So now today, Naty took off to give his friend a ride to his mechanic, that leaves me and Audrey by ourselves. It's all about finishing this damn house! I'm so tired of watching TLC home improvement shows and my house still looking like shit! I promise today I'm gonna paint and finish, take my word for it, My next post will be about me singing with the birds and being soooo happy that my house is done! I promise! From the calls that I've gotten already from most of you, I know I'll be getting some to push my big rear into gear. Thanks! I need that right now. Support.

Steph is coming and spending the night tonight cause my mom and Carlos are going to his christmas dinner and they needed me to babysit, well while she's here she can babysit for us :) Of course while we paint and get shit situated, my room looks the worse cause everytime I wash clothes I leave them out drying all day then at night time we run for them before the sprinklers come on and throw them on our bed and before you know it its time to go to bed so what happens to the clothes, they get thrown on the floor! yes on the floor! so I have a moutain to conquer and more clothes to put away that we took on vacation with us. Will it ever be normal again?? I hope so.

I need to eat my breakfast now since I'm so skinny and will fall over if I don't eat this second. See you all later! Bye

Waiting for my man!

I hate Tuesdays and Thursdays, these days drag and I'm alone all day with the kids and wait for Naty to show up on our doorstep. He goes to school on these nights so I don't see him till about 8:30-9pm, theres days that the kids are good and most days that they're not. Today was one of those not too good days. First of all, I didn't go to school today so that meant Bubbs didn't go either. Naty woke us up late and I usually leave at 5:30 and he woke me up at 5:45! I hate rushing and I hate the feeling after of rushing cause my heart is pumping and I'm speeding thru traffic putting me and my kids lives in danger and its not cool! And plus today I felt so tired, so tired from all the running around after coming back from Vegas and our vacation wasn't all that relaxing it was a lot of work with the kids all day and rushing here and there to make times. So I guess the vacation did wear us all out. It's hard to get back in the swing of things and I don't know why but I felt much more at home in Vegas, the little condo was so cozy and it felt like we were starting a new life somewhere far. It felt good actually to be far from here. Maybe one day we'll pack it all up and move across the country. Life is too short to stay in one place. You all would think I was pathetic knowing that cry when I don't see Naty after a certain number of hours, I think it has to do a lot with what we went thru in the pass. When he was sick I would go all night without seeing him and I would cry and cry until I seen him. I hate remembering bad times but hey, how can I escape them? See on these days I get depressed and lonely, I think about all the bad instead of the good. I hate this about me, I wish I can be independent and be able to do things without Naty, BUT I CAN'T. I can't just be without him, alot of you are probably thinking, "What a dumb, whipped girl!" I don't care, cause thats what I am! Loud and Clear, I'm in love with my husband and I want the world to know! And no I'm not drunk (come on its a Tuesday!) We have so much fun together, we laugh together, we fight together and laugh about it later, we cap on each other, we call each other names and kid with each other, I can tell him anything and I can always count on him. And right now I feel awful without him here, even when we were staying in the in laws duplex his mom would trip out on me and not understand why I would get so depressed on the days he was at school. I would cry to her and laugh at the same time and tell her I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and she would laugh and always tell me, don't be sad, he'll be home soon and I'm not alone, I'm with family that loves me and she would cry too. I guess she understands it more than I do cause at times like now, I can't pin point why I get like this. At one time I was out of control and would cry for anything, I would just cry and Naty wouldn't know what to do, I finally got me some happy pills called Prozac and all they did was make me tired as hell and make me lose my sex drive! Yes, I lost my sex drive (had to believe ;) and of course Naty didn't like that so he would tell me to do it the right way and not depend on pills, I took his advice and went cold turkey off them and went a little crazy for a while, it was awful. I hid it a lot from Naty, I would mostly stay up and cry myself to sleep. At times it would be in the day but mostly at night (thank God!) Naty would have probably left me if he knew how many times I was crying at night, and for no fucking reason! No reason at all!!! Thats the messed up shit about it! I hate when he would ask me, "Why are you crying, there has to be a reason?" and there never was! I was so pathetic, I hated myself at that time, i thought I was losing my mind. Finally I got some relief and stopped the madness, it's been the best now, I don't get those feelings as often, but I do still get them. Especially on Tues and Thurs and when the kids push me over my edge. But before it was every freakin' day and night, now I can say 1/3 of that now.

Now the butthole is home and he's getting on my nerves!! Hahahaha (gotta love him) "Can't live with them, can't live without them"

Our house still looks like we've only been here for a month (when its been 3) I got rid of 3 boxes yesterday, still have more to go. On sunday when the family came my mom helped clean and did a good job, I've kept it up since and at least its clean but still not how I want it! We've gotta get to the damn hallway, I hate taping and doing the ends, I hate it!! I wish I can just grab the stuff and get to work, but I can't, I have these kids to take care of and the hubby, then I have the house chores, then school, then homework..... I wish when people say, " You're still not situated yet?" They can put into consideration, the above! Come on people, don't ask me again or I'll slap you silly!

Audrey is saying more and more each day, she's talking in sentences and being a bigger brat and defending herself from the beast Bubbs. Bubbs is doing good in school and loves it, his grandma walks him every morning while I'm at school and then I pick him up and he hates telling me anything about school. I think its because of the time I almost made a scene with some little asain boy that pulled the string out of his hooded sweater! Naty had just bought him a GAP sweater for his b-day and this little brat of a kid comes up to him and pulls it out, I got so mad at Bubbs for not socking or pushing this kid! He can sure be a brat at home but doesn't use it when he needs it, well I started telling Bubbs a few things and he got so upset and said, "I wever tellin you noting" (I'm never telling you nothing) then I talked with him and told him sorry but he has to defend himself and never let anyone touch him, but now that I ask him how was school or what did he do, he gets so mad and yells that he doesn't want to tell me. What did I do and how do I get him out of this?

Naty put up the Christmas lights last night and they look so cool! The kids were excited and (so was I) I love christmas, I've gotta hit up Kmart tomarrow and buy something really nice for my Chimeny. I never put anything nice on it when I should! It's big and nice. I'm gonna spend some good money too, shhh don't tell Naty.

Anyway, my peeps, gotta get to the market and gets some milk for Audrey. Naty wants me to go with him so I'll talk to you all later.

I'm back :)

Safe and sound....
My biggest fear about traveling is getting into a car accident or something really bad happening to your home while you were away. Well Thankfully none of the above happened. I'm happy to report the worse thing to happen was us hitting a big tumbleweed on the way home. hahahahahaha

We had so much fun and did so much I don't know where to start, I'll break it down day by day.

Saturday, November 19th

• we left around 11:45 am and got there around 3:40 pm, we checked into the resort and got settled in about an hour.
• We left to eat at the San Remo Hotel cause we heard they had a good prime rib special for 5.99 well it was good but not sure if it was prime rib.?????
• Then we hit the strip and went to M&M world, seen a 3D M&M movie called "I lost my M in Las Vegas" it was cute for the kids. That store is huge and we bought things for Bubbs teacher and his grandma.
• After that we went to see the Lion Habitat at the MGM and they were asleep.
• We went back to the room and watched movies and went to sleep.

Sunday, November 20th

• We went shopping at the Outlet Shopping Center and bought a bunch of things. They had some good deals but I thought it would be a little cheaper. Oh yeah I got some Velour J-Lo pants for $10 bucks and made them fit! LOL!
• Went to circus circus and won a hundred bucks (but lost them later in the week)

Monday, November 21st

• went to a time share presentation to get free shark reef tickets.
• Went to the shark reef at Mandalay Bay
• Went to a magic show at Tropicana

Tuesday, November 22nd

• Stood in the hotel alllllllllll day mostly while Naty took the kids swimming in the nice heated pool.
• Did crafts at the activities center.
• Jose and Monica came to visit and we ate dinner

Wednesday, November 23rd

• Went to Hoover Dam with Jose, Monica, Naty and kids. We took a picture at the Nevada/Arizona border. (like the movie "Fools Rush in")
• Went to eat at some nice Bar and Grill across the street from the resort.
• Jose and Monica left and My mom, Steph and Carlos got there.
• We went to the Fremont Experience (downtown Vegas) when my mom and them came. They had a laser show in the sky and I had to have a Strawberry Daquiri

Thursday, November 24th

• Made Thanksgiving Dinner in the condo (turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, rolls and salad).
• Hit the strip to walk off the dinner, we walked the whole strip and it got late fast so we had to take the tram back to the MGM and it overlooked the strip, we were glad to be back to our car!

Friday, November 25th

• We loafted around the resort and BBQ'd and went swimming.
• Then at night time, Steph took care of the kids and we went to Downtown Vegas and drank and gambled. I drank 1 (20 oz.) Margarita, 4 tequila sunrises, 1 Kahlula Creme, 2 Smirnoff's and a shot. I was feeling good. :) I felt gross in the middle of night when I woke up and couldn't walk straight. My mom woke up and barfed her guts out~!!! Hahahahaha (don't tell her I told you!!)

Saturday, November 26th

• It was time to clean and go home :( We cleaned up the condo and left Vegas, it was so sad. The week went by so fast.

I'm gonna make sure to take a vacation every year. It was so fun and I can't wait to go next year. Hopefully we can use our mini vacation and go to Puerto Vallarta. The kids were cry babies in the beginning cause I guess they missed their house, but they got used to it after they went swimming in the spa tub! hahahahaha (we gotta get us one of those)

School is almost over! I have about 3 more weeks, I can't wait!! I feel like I've been in school forever and I can't escape. I know I can't quit now, I've come too far!

Sunday the family came over and we had a BBQ. It was really relaxing and it felt good to be home. I can't believe how much I forgot about my house and how I function in it, it was only a week and I feel like I've been gone a long time. I need to do this more often ;)

Marlene